Monday, October 25, 2010
Do my kids really know me? Of course, they know me; I’m their Dad. I’m the one that helps them with their math homework. I’m the one that they come to on the weekends to ask, “Daddy, what are we having for breakfast?” And I also get asked the following technical question when my oldest daughter has a new friend over, “Daddy, what’s the WEP code for our router?” She doesn’t’ use the words ‘WEP Code’ or ‘router’; I’m paraphrasing, of course.
My point is: what do they know of me? I’m not known as a particularly vocal person. I over-think my words before I speak, and would much prefer to sit back and listen. So I think I have one persona that is pretty obvious to them, and another one that lurks in the background. My writing voice is completely different than my speaking voice. It’s more fluid and coherent. My shadowy sense of humor is edgier when it comes out of my pen.
I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I have notebook after notebook of documented events from my life. I don’t call it a diary, but let’s face facts; a lot of what I’ve written has ‘diary-like’ entries. I’ve got the fears, the thrills, the spills; the problems at work, the first kiss and way too much information detailing the death of my parents. My kids aren’t privy to a lot of this background. In effect, they’re not aware of a lot of things that make up ME. I’m troubled by this, and I think that’s why I am so intent on keeping up my journal entries.
Does anyone really want to be known that completely? Maybe it’s just too raw for a person to handle. Sometimes when I re-read my own stuff it even gets me depressed. But there are also the good times, the life lessons that have been uncovered either accidentally or by choice. Those are the things that I would want to share most with my children. There’s so much that I want to teach them and say to them. I would love it if even a small percentage of the beliefs and ideals that matter to me will matter to them in the future.
So, in answer to my original question, “Who’s your daddy?” That would be me. I’ve got strengths and flaws, just like everybody; they are unique to me, and I want to share them with you. Let’s start with my pancake recipe. We can make them together this weekend.